Sunday, September 29, 2013

Drawing Parallels - BCCI and Indian Politics

So, the news is out. In-spite of all the allegations, incrimination and for the lack of a better phrase self evident facts, the BCCI is set to get the maligned Srinivasan as its re-elected boss. I wonder if the odds could be stacked any worse against a person who is contesting an election. Take this, the chief of India's Cricket board is also the owner of one of the IPL teams which is run by his son in law who has been found hand in gloves with bookies betting against his own team. If this does not amount for conflict of interest, one is left to wonder what does!! What is even more shocking is the brazen attitude of Mr. Srinivasan when asked about the whole fiasco. The man is clearly a power hungry kursi clinger who just out of vain ego will not mind taking the institution and the game down with him. The sooner such lumpen elements are removed from the echelons of power the better. As such, BCCI is looked upon as a bully and a corrupt entity. Handing power over to a tainted man is not going to do wonders to its reputation.

While talking about the current state of the BCCI and the total breakdown of its moral values, one cannot help but notice the uncanny resemblance of it to the predicaments of the leading national political party of the country. What has transpired in the past two days has left the country with a feeling that its political bosses have lost all sense of purpose. Let us look at the issue without any prejudices and see for ourselves how the players of this game have left Indian democracy in no better state than Indian Cricket.

First of all there was the issue of the ordinance to allow criminals to contest elections. For any sane person, this should be an absolute no-brainer. But not to the Congress party. The day this ill fated ordinance was promulgated, there was the usual uproar in the media about the need and speed for such a move. The Congress party spokespersons were all out defending it with all guns blazing. Their energy in defense of this absurd ordinance could easily have been mistaken for something noble that would bring the country some great benefit. So, while the entire party clan was busy defending this indefensible ordinance, out came the heir apparent puffing vitriol. Theatrics apart, are we to believe that Rahul Gandhi, the de facto PM candidate of his party was unaware of this ordinance till it was in such an advanced stage of constitutional process? Did the Congress/UPA think-tank not include him in the decision making process? Why were his opinions held back till the whole country was debating it? In other words, is he the principal of Team Congress or a mere "enthusiast"?

If anybody other than a Gandhi would have given that kind of a statement in a press conference, his political career would have gone kaput that very same moment. You can't survive a political kamikaze like that unless you are from the God ordained family that has the divine sanction to rule over India no matter how undeserving. So, when politics is like this how can Cricket be far behind? After all, don't the Gandhis also have a wayward son in law who could be saint or a murderer depending upon which rumor you wish to believe. In comparison to that, Gurunath Meiyappan is only a match fixer. Apples to oranges, not really!! But inspite of all the shenanigans of their kin, these lumpen elements in sports and politics can keep on riding their high horses because the good men around them do not dare to challenge their legitimacy.

In BCCI, at least some self respecting office bearers like Arun Jaitley have given in to their moral compunctions and resigned. Can we see something similar in the Political arena though?

Sunday, October 7, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Sri Lanka dislodges South Africa from No.1 position in the CHOKER'S LIST

With their recent defeat in the World T20 final to the West Indies, the SriLankans are now officially the World No. 1 in the ICC Choker's List. The confirmation came after the enormity of defeats of both the teams were run through some real tough mathematical formulas and it was found beyond any shred of doubt that SriLanka has edged past the Proteas by a solitary point. As expected, the SriLankan team was too distraught with their latest defeat to comment on this piece of news but Gary Kirsten's SA team has welcomed this development. A national day of rejoice has been declared in South Africa.

On a different note, South Korean pop star PSY has demanded an apology from both the ICC and the West Indies Cricket Board for their flagrant use of his hit single Gangnam Style in reviving the fortunes of the West Indies team. It is an open secret now that this song was the mojo that drove the WI team to an astounding victory in the recently concluded tournament. The ICC has offered PSY an open pass to all its future events and the WICB has announced that it will officially acknowledge PSY's contribution in a formal press release.

The real coup has been pulled by BCCI, who have managed to secure the pop star's services for the IPL events. When PSY was offered the job by a BCCI top negotiator, the incredulous PSY asked - "But you haven't won the tournament? Why should I sing for you?" to which the BCCI mandarin answered - "We got the money!!!"

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Shahid Afridi Facts

  1. Afridi does not generally age.
  2. One Afridi year = 5 Human Years.
  3. Shahid Afridi's bat is actually a broken wind mill from heavens. It never stops swinging.
  4. Afridi can hit a six of any delivery bowled by any bowler in any ground around the world. But then there are multiple parallel Afridi worlds and we never know which one he is currently in.
  5. Afridi can also get out of any delivery bowled by any bowler in any ground around the world. This World!!
  6. When Afridi bowls nobody knows which way the bowl is going to turn, not even Afridi!!
  7. One Afridi inning is a melange of tragedy, comedy, drama, action, western, noir, neo noir and horror; all genres in five minutes or less. Aamir Khan gets inspired by watching his innings.
  8. Head & Shoulder's have signed the wrong Shahid for their commercial.
  9. Afridi is the only batsman whose shots can make MSD's shots look elegant.
  10. Bowlers do not like bowling to Afridi. They are afraid one of these days ICC is going to strike off Afridi's dismissals from their bowling records.
  11. Afridi can get out in two different ways off the same delivery. He misses the line and gets bowled but the atmospheric anomaly created by his godawesome bat swing carries the ball to the long on boundary into the safe hands of a fielder after it has shattered the stumps.
  12. Rajinikanth tried the above. He failed.
  13. Afridi holds the patent for a procedure in which one can put his brain in a cryogenic store and yet function humanly. The demand for this technology increases each time Afridi comes to bat. 
  14. The SR in Afridi's batting record does not stand for "Strike Rate". It stands for "Swing Rate".
  15. An alternate theory of Afridi's swinging prowess states that Afridi got his amazing swings after Chuck Norris shook his hand when they first met.